


I Want You to Know (...But I Don't Want to Tell You)

by Gemfae



Series: Gemfae's HD_Owlpost Contributions [12]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Brief Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Happy Ending, M/M, Poetry-Freestyle, flangst, not graphic, poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-08-24 10:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16638140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemfae/pseuds/Gemfae
Summary: Draco and Harry's thoughts about their relationship with each other in poem form. Read as a back-and-forth, beginning with Draco.





	I Want You to Know (...But I Don't Want to Tell You)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [parkkate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkkate/gifts).



> For parkkate: I was reading your prompts, and was immediately drawn to the phrase "I want you to know, but I don't want to tell you". The poem practically wrote itself! I hope you enjoy it!

_I want you to know_

_But I don’t want to tell you_

_Sometimes, when I look into your eyes_

_Those shining emeralds throw me back_

_To a place of pain and horror_

_Where I’m trapped_

_A prisoner in my own home_

_Yet, I dread the nights you aren’t with me_

_For then the memories haunt me_

_Ravaging my soul and my mind_

_Misdeeds and cruelties abound_

_In the shadows of my past_

_Pulling me down into the deep dark_

_Until I fear I never shall return._

                                   I want you to know

                                   But I don’t want to tell you

                                   Why burning supper is enough to bring me to tears

                                   And why you find me sitting in the closet when I’m upset

                                   For years I suppressed my feelings

                                   But now they leap out of the shadows

                                   Reminding me of years of hunger and loneliness

                                   Hurtful words and harsh blows

                                   Always knowing I didn’t belong

                                   But never knowing the reason

                                   Wishing for someone to rescue me

                                   And, sometimes, just wishing to die

                                   The deaths I witnessed haunt me less  

                                   Than the childhood neglect in my memories.

_I want you to know_

_But I don’t want to tell you_

_I was wasting away in the Manor_

_Waiting to be sentenced to Azkaban as I deserved_

_I did so much harm and caused so much pain_

_I would have welcomed the punishment_

_Then you spoke for me_

_And those words were more than I deserved_

_You didn’t just save me from Azkaban_

_You inspired me to live again_

_You are the reason I never gave up_

_If you saw some good in me_

_Then I knew it must be there_

_And I determined to find it._

                                I want you to know

                                But don’t want to tell you

                                I almost gave up after the war

                                All my life I had been preparing to die

                                So when I lived

                                I found myself lost

                                I attended the trials to find closure

                                And instead I found a reason to keep going

                                You sat in that chair

                                Chains binding you tight

                                And though I saw the fear in your eyes

                                You sat tall and proud

                                If you hadn’t given up

                                Then how could I?

_I want you to know_

_But I don’t want to tell you_

_Sometimes I stay up watching you sleep_

_Counting your breaths_

_Tracing your smile_

_And wondering how you came to be mine_

_How did hexes and curses_

_Become kisses and caresses?_

_Your presence warms me_

_Still I fear that this is all just a dream_

_And when I wake you won’t be there_

_The thought steals my breath_

_Leaving me dizzy_

_Afraid to move lest I shatter the illusion._

                                I want you to know

                                But I don’t want to tell you

                                Sometimes I lie awake pretending to sleep

                                Keeping my breaths calm and even

                                I can feel your gaze upon my face

                                Grey eyes tracing every curve

                                Feeling your warmth beside me

                                As I drift off to sleep

                                I smile because I know I am safe

                                In your bed, in your arms

                                Nightmares can’t reach me

                                And doubts fade away

                                I know they’ll return once you’re gone

                                So I cherish every moment you’re with me.

 

_I want you to know_

_But don’t want to tell you_

_Sometimes when you smile I still can’t believe it’s for me_

_For so many years I watched from afar_

_Never daring to dream that one day_

_You would consent to be mine_

_When your emerald eyes sparkle with mischief_

_Your beauty makes my heart stop_

_For you are beautiful_

_Inside and out_

_Your scars tell the story_

_Of your suffering and triumph_

_And contributed to the man you are today_

_The man I know I will always love._

                                I want you to know

                                But I don’t want to tell you

                                Sometimes just seeing you smile              

                                Is enough to make me catch my breath

                                You were the one person I could never ignore

                                Even when doing so would have made my life easier

                                I never imagined you would ever want me

                                To find myself in your life, in your heart

                                Is more than I ever dreamed I’d have

                                Your touch brings me comfort

                                Your kiss makes me feel like I’m flying

                                You are everything I never knew I always wanted

                                I can’t imagine my life without you

                                Now and forever you have my love.


End file.
